Inside the Writer

Hey guys! I hope you all had a lovely week! :)

So I was going through my Documents file on my laptop, and I found my entry for Rose's contest that she held April last year. 'What makes you, you?'
And I thought I'd share it with you guys. :) I've edited it a bit, and cut a few things just to make it a bit better.

I hope you like it. It's a little insight to who I am, deep inside.

What makes me, me? That's a hard one because I am quite unextraordinary. I've been thinking about it a lot and I think I've finally got an answer.

My name is Bethan Downs. I'm 15 years old. I live in the UK with my family and my dog. I love Dr Who, Sherlock, The US Office, Modern Family; Any Marvel films, the Batman trilogy, book-to-movie adaptations, cheesy 90s romcoms (Clueless and 10 Things I Hate About you for the win); The Hunger Games, Legend, The Mortal Instruments, The Infernal Devices, The Lunar Chronicles, Divergent, Harry Potter, Vampire Academy, Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus; Fangirl, We Were Liars, Eleanor & Park, Wonder. My favourite colour is pale blue.

I love reading. Always have. When I was around 2 years old, I used to get my mum to bring home Biff and Chip books from the library. I couldn't read, but I used to sit with her, pretending to read those books. I would point really enthusiastically at the pictures, turn the pages and talk absolute nonsnese, but to me, I was reading. I love that about myself, reading before I could read.

Writing is also a big part of my life. The first proper story I ever wrote was Johnny and the Lost Lamb (imaginative, right?) I wrote it when I was 7 years old, but I'd been writing little paragraphs about fairies since I could write proper sentences. I can't say exactly when I decided I wanted to be a writer - it's just always been a part of me, that goal, that dream that one day, my book will be on a shelf in a bookshop. Writing makes up a huge part of me. Whenever I have a bad day, I come home and I read or I write because either way, I lose myself and end up somewhere far away from the bad things. I used to get terrible nightmares when I was younger and I would wake up crying and shaking. So I would turn on the light and I would read. Writing and reading - they are my escape and they make up a large chunk of who I am.

I'm really interested in Greek Mythology as well. Those stories are just incredible and I find it fascinating because those stories tell the story of people trying to make sense of this wonderful and confusing world. I like drawing and painting as well - I find it really therapeutic. I'm just quite an artsy, creative person, even if I'm not very good at it!

Anyone who doesn't know me thinks I'm quiet. Then they get to know and, well, the complete opposite is true. I just don't stop talking. I get distracted really easily and talk to myself a lot. I read somewhere that creative people have a short attention span and talk to themselves, so that must be the reason! I daydream far too much and that has let to a lot of embarrassing times when I realise I've been staring at a person while thinking about the feeling of flying or what it's like to be a dog.... Like everybody else, I've made mistakes. I have made a lot of mistakes. But I don't regret any of them.

I like to think of myself as a really cool person, or a ninja, whenever I'm home alone, when in fact, I'm actually an awkward idiot that has the coordination of a spoon and gets stuck while trying to do a forward roll. I have long legs, so ticklers beware - I cannot be held accountable for any injuries sustained if you tickle me. I have curly brown hair that poofs when it rains and grows out before it grows down. I'm weirdly skinny and really pale. I have eyes that don't have an exact colour. I like to describe them as greeny-browny-grey-y. I can't tell you how difficult it has been writing a paragraph about myself in French because unfortunately, the French do not have a word for greeny-browny-grey-y. I suppose my eyes are the only thing I like about my appearance. I think they make up a bit of who I am because I've never met anybody that has my exact colour eyes. They're quite unique, which is difficult for foreign languages, I admit, but I have learned to love my eyes. They're not exactly pretty but they're different, which I have learned is a good thing.

I bite my nails because I'm constantly worrying about something. I almost always wear my hair in a braid. I love chocolate. I like wearing big jumpers and reading while it's raining. I love the smell of books and the sound of rain against my window while I'm trying to sleep. I like sticking my head out of my bedroom window and feeling the wind on my face and the rain on my tongue. I like the sound of pages turning and the feel of paper. I'm trying very hard not to care what people think of me anymore. I don't want to have to please everybody. I want people to like me for who I am - I don't want to suffocate the real me.

What makes me, me? My family. My likes. Reading. Writing. My interests. My eyes. My conversations with myself. My daydreams. My mistakes. My little quirks. My ninja qualities. My opinions. My thoughts. My ideas. My escape routes to other places. My goals. My dreams.

I hope you liked that. Have a wonderful week, all of you.

Love you all ♥

Bethan
xxxxxx

Bethan & The Pursuit of Happiness

Hello everybody. I hope you've all had a great week. :)

So I was thinking today; what is happiness? Like, what actually is that emotion. What causes it, how does it work? So I googled it. And by doing several things, that produce different molecules and such, you could create happiness.

By doing things that produce endocannabinoids, dopamine, oxytocin, endorphin, GABA, serotonin and adrenaline (I literally only know what two of those things are haha) your brain would create happy feelings. You could, theoretically, spend the majority of the time happy.

Think about how you feel most of the time. Is one of your constant emotions happiness? Because I realised last year that the majority of the time, I wasn't happy. I was lonely, upset and insecure.

But would we lead a good life if we were always happy? I mean, I have made a lot of mistakes and have been in hurtful situations. But I have learnt from those mistakes and I have become a better, stronger person because of everything that I regret and everything that's hurt me.

I'd love for everybody in the world to be happy. But sometimes we need to be hurt. Sometimes we need to make mistakes. Sometimes we need to feel lonely, upset and insecure, just so that we can become better people and lead a good life.

Sorry for my philosophical ramblings, but I just thought I'd share.

I love you all lots and lots

Bethan
xxxxxx

The Theory of Everything, Classical Music & A Catchup

Hello, my dear friends

I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED MY MOCK EXAMS! Well thank goodness they're over! I was stressing so much - my back is hurting from being hunched over books for 2 weeks... - and I can already feel a cold coming on. You know teachers always say they're never ill for the whole of term, but as soon as term ends and they relax, they're ill in bed for the holidays? Same thing applies to me.

To celebrate the end of exams, I went to the cinema to see the Theory of Everything, which as you all probably know, is based on the life of Stephen Hawking. It was absolutely amazing and had me very emotional at several points. Eddie Redmayne has been nominated for an Oscar, as has Felicity Jones, who plays Jane Hawking. I would love both of them to win, but I am praying Steve Carell wins for Foxcatcher. I have yet to see the film - I think I'm seeing it this weekend, as I now have so much free time! :) - but I adore Steve Carell as Michael Scott in the US Office and just think he's the nicest man in Hollywood.

I've recently - since around September - been loving classical music. I've found it beautiful since I was around 8, but I've only really starting listening to it last year. I listen to it while I'm working, and am listening to Mozart's Requiem as I write this. I find it so relaxing and calming, and some of the pieces are so beautiful, elegant and almost haunting. Gah, I just adore it. I feel like such a nerd saying I love classical music, but I do just love it.

How have you all been? I hope your 2015 has started off well. It's come to my attention that my blog is not as popular as it once was, which is upsetting but understandable. I have been gone for so long, all your lovely faces have probably moved on and forgotten about me. I'm hoping that as I post more, you guys will notice I'm back and read and enjoy my blog again, but I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember me! I'm still going to post as normal, and type like I'm having a conversation with someone.

2015 is going to be a good year, I can feel it. There were some rough parts in 2014, and a lot of changes, but all of them were for the better. I am a lot happier with my life now, and am surrounded by a loving family and so many friends that I adore. I have great teachers and so many people supporting me. I know that everything happens for a reason and that in the end, I am better off and happier because of the changes that 2014 threw at me.

I love you all ♥

Bethan
xxxxxx

I finally have a break to write :0

Hello, beautiful people. I finally have a tiny snippet of free time, that isn't filled with work, exams, stressing about exams, cramming in reading time, sleeping or eating. And I decided to blog because I miss this. I miss you all. I miss sitting down on my laptop (not literally on my laptop haha) and writing something for you guys.
I hope you all had an AMAZING Christmas. I got so many books >.< Also.... A MELLARK BAKERY APRON!!!! AS IN PEETA MELLARK FROM THG WHAT I LOVE IT!!!!!
*clears throat* well.

I haven't made any official resolutions, but I've just sort of promised that I'll try to be happier and try to find time to blog. I really really want to keep this blog going, but it's so hard to find time! If any of you have Instagram, follow my bookstagram @fiction.and.tea because it's basically a pocket version of my blog with more photos. :)

I really do miss you all a lot. Gosh, I miss coming home from school and reading all your lovely, supportive comments. I really really hope you're all still interested in reading my blog, because I am going to try and post more often.

This is my plan:
Scrap Creative Thursday/Thursday's Writings and just post every week on Friday. Sometimes it will be writing, sometimes about books, sometimes just a little catch up. But I will try my very hardest to post every Friday, without fail.

I'm thinking, because it's a new year, of getting a new blog design. I just want to start fresh, clean slate, because maybe a new look will make me feel like I'm blogging for the first time. I don't know, I just think a new design will make me feel better and more motivated to blog.

So yeah. Wow. I still love you guys so so so so so much. You are the most wonderful, beautiful people and deserve everything. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and that your new year is off to an amazing start.

Love you ♥

xoxo,
Bethan