I'm Free

I have finally, finally, finally finished my GCSEs. I have finished the 6 week period of non-stop exams, and the countless months before-hand spent revising and neglecting the things I love most - reading, watching Netlfix, sleeping in, doing nothing. I have shoved aside the sleepy, zombie fog of exam-mode that had settled over my brain, the non-stop revision schedule, the fear of exams and the sleepless nights where anxiety woke me. The past papers are gone, the countless notes and flashcards recycled, the cramp in my right hand and the seemingly permanent ink splotch on my right index finger have vanished, and I am free.

The summer has begun, albeit a very rainy beginning, and there are lists and lists and lists of things I have wanted to do for months and now can. I can finally read without noting down quotes for themes, paint without an eye on my coursework deadline, sleep without setting an alarm for 7am, watch TV without making sure I'm not wasting revision time. I can be free, finally. The burden of exams has been lifted from my whole body and soul, and now all that's left is a lingering fear of results day. But that is months away, and for now, I can forget it.

Suddenly, I can go shopping with my best friend and not have to cancel because I'm stressing out about my history exam. I can read every book on my TBR list. I can blog every week, I can sit outside and feel the breeze on my face, I can cuddle my dog, I can lie on the floor for 20 minutes just staring at the clouds moving outside my window. I can stay up late watching Netflix, and glance outside at the stars just before I sleep. I can do whatever I want, and do so with the knowledge that I deserve it.

I have had no life for months, I have gone without for months, I have cried and stressed, I haven't slept, I have berated myself, I have forced myself to work more, to work harder, to work for longer.

And now, I can have my summer. My long, carefree summer.

(so that was basically a really long-winded way of saying I'm going to be posting more, more regularly now that my exams are done!)