17 things I learnt at 17

It is official - I am 18 years old. I'm old. I'm an adult. I can vote. I can drink (sorry to all the Americans that can't relate to that one)

This is me this morning, in my brother's old US Office sweatshirt and PJs, crying and laughing at a photo album documenting my 18 years (featuring some of my lovely presents on the side - more on prezzies later!)

17 has been a long year, filled with a lot of misery and stress and anxiety, but a lot of good times as well. I am definitely wiser than I was this time a year ago. So I thought I'd write everything I've learnt down, in the form of advising my past self. I thought I'd impart my new-found wisdom on those younger than me, or see how similar my journey to adulthood has been to those the same age as me, or older.

Here are 17 things I've learnt at 17 - the big, small, insignificant, and life-changing.

1. Set multiple alarms in the morning
You will literally never get up after the first alarm, please stop lying to yourself. There's no shame in setting 6 alarms on your phone as well as using an actual alarm clock, and then having your mum as a back-up plan if everything goes wrong. You'll never be one of those people who get up early, go for a run and do some morning yoga before drinking a healthy smoothie and putting on an immaculate outfit. You're not a morning person, accept it.

2. Game of Thrones is incredible and you will regret putting off watching it for so long
It is brilliant and you will adore it. It will also lead to so much more in your life - more than you could have possibly imagined. You will talk to people about Game of Thrones whom you never would have spoken to before, you will become closer to people because of Game of Thrones, and you will forever be thankful for it (it's an odd thing to say, but it's true).

3. Go to the cinema every change you get
The cinema is a beautiful place to escape - films are amazing for shutting things out, and you tend to go with some pretty great people.

4. Sixth Form isn't as fun as you think it will be
You'll start Year 12 filled with anxiety but mainly excitement, and two days in you'll realise you can't find happiness in anything you do. It sucks, big time, but you'll get through it with the help of some wonderful teachers and amazing friends, and you'll come out of it ok. Starting Year 13 has meant more of the same feelings, but I'm sure you'll be just fine.

5. You can love water-colouring and calligraphy again
I know GCSE Art was borderline traumatic because of your teacher, but you'll learn to love art again, and will continue making cards and water-colouring gifts for your friends.

6. Man, you love your friends
You are friends with some of the best people in the world, and you'll come to fully understand this during your 17th year. They are incredible people and I'm not quite sure how you've found them, but keep them close.

7. Nutella and crunchy peanut butter on toast is a truly dreamy combination
The after-school snack game will never be the same.

8. Sometimes there are friends you need to lose
(This is a pretty recent lesson learnt) I know you love them deeply, but if it's a relationship based all on your love and there's no kind of reciprocation, it's better to have them out of your life and be able to focus on the friends who love you back. It hurts so badly and your heart will break a lot during this year, but you're so much better off without them.

9. Actually doing the work when it's set will change your life
You're still working on this one, but doing work the day it is set and as soon as you sit down at the kitchen table will mean more free time to read and watch Netflix, in the short and long term. It also allows for days when you're too ill or sad or tired to do any work. Take care of future you and do it asap.

10. Makeup and clothes are actually really fun
Buying and wearing nice clothes and doing your makeup fancy is really fun, but only do it when you're in the mood - don't grow so accustomed to your made-up self that you're too scared to show your real skin occasionally (I'm still working on that part - everything just looks so much better when it's covered in highlighter).

11. Don't give people your Netflix password
I mean it! You will regret letting so many of your friends use your Netflix when you just want to watch The Defenders but your Netflix is in use.

12.  Change is terrifying, but it's usually for the better
There are a few changes heading your way, and they're difficult to work through - questioning what to study at university and ultimately deciding against your life-long passion of English will send you into a bit of an anxiety spiral - but now you're happily embracing your adoration of History and researching courses and still loving English. You don't need to feel like you're cheating on English by enjoying History, and you don't need to be scared of change. Embrace it, babe.

13. Always be kind, even when pushed to breaking point
You'll have a fair few disagreements with people, but never respond maliciously or with a mean comment. Be kind and gracious and don't allow your pride to get in the way of ending an argument. Also, don't hold grudges if you can - some grudges need to be held, because some things can't be forgiven, but generally they are exhausting and pointless and it's not worth the effort.

14. That said, know when to stand up for yourself
There are some things that are a core part of your beliefs, and you need to let them be known. You wholeheartedly support the LGBTQ community, you are a feminist, you are super duper liberal, and those are good things, and they are a big part of who you are. Own it and don't remain passive just to save a friendship. There will be relationships that become strained, but only momentarily - you learn to just avoid those topics, but it's so vital that you address the fact that you disagree with them.

15. What you feel is valid
You know your own brain better than anybody, and if you think you know what you need to be happier and feel better, then you ignore the doubting and the questioning. Also, talk to people about how you feel, because 9 times out of 10 they're not going to laugh at you, but they actually help and support you??!?!!! I know, it's a wild concept, but trust me on this one, not everyone is going to hurt you.

16. You can't hold the weight of the world on your shoulders
You are a deeply empathetic person, but you can't take on everyone's worries while keeping yours to yourself and not share any of the burden with other people, just hiding everything behind worried eyes and distant gazes. Again, you're still working on this one, but please keep trying to share things and let things go, because you are exhausted.

17. People generally aren't lying when they tell you they love
Trust that you are a lovable person, even though you can't see it.

And that, my friends, is that. I hope you enjoyed and maybe learnt some life lessons or just some new information about me and the kind of person I am! (spoiler alert: a very worried one)

I thought I'd mention some of my favourite birthday presents, because I got some pretty spectacular ones. I'm going to get a new phone at some point, but that's not that exciting. The most exciting ones are all experiences rather than objects (although I got some rather pretty jewellery, books and clothes). Firstly, my parents got me tickets for an exclusive La La Land screening where the film will be played along with a live orchestra who will play the score and songs over the top. I adore live music and orchestral pieces (and La La Land, of course) so I am very excited.

I then got *deep breath* tickets for Hamilton in London from my older brother and I have never been more excited. I adore History and musicals and Hamilton is INSANE (I've listened to the soundtrack so many times) so I am incredibly excited. I didn't think I could get anymore excited.

But then my best friend got me tickets for ED SHEERAN next summer.

SCREEEEAAAAAMMMMMMMSSSSSSS

So yeah. There's that.

I'm going to combust with the amount of excitement in my tiny body.

Honestly, the amount of adorable messages and love I have received today has overwhelmed me. Much love to all of you.

- B xx